Constructive Criticism (or The Uncomfortable Feeling of Being Human)

It’s a rather unfortunate truth that the things that make us grow make us the most uncomfortable. It’s even more unfortunate that we often engineer our lives to avoid being uncomfortable as much as possible, which then has the result of preventing us from growing at all!

Let’s take constructive criticism as an example. We receive feedback from someone about how our work could be improved, and we internally wince and become defensive. We take pride in our work, we didn’t submit something that we thought was wrong or inferior, and to hear that it could be improved in some way makes us feel bad, like we didn’t measure up in some way. We have been trained in the art of self-confidence by a curated, algorithmic-based society that backs up our statements and belief systems in an echo chamber of agreement: My thoughts are worthy! My work is good! I’m great! Self-confidence is a good and healthy thing!

And also! You’re not perfect. We’re not perfect. Our work is not perfect, and we do not know everything there is to know about everything (thank goodness, that would be exhausting!). It turns out that being human means being fallible: making mistakes, falling short of expectations and having room for improvement. And that’s perfectly ok and good! There is room for growth!

It’s important to acknowledge that there are areas of skill and expertise that we are more competent at due to years of applied learning and experience, and in those areas, we may have less to learn, but other areas and skills may have more of a learning curve, as we are starting more at the “novice” end of the curve. No one is keeping track of how many skills you have acquired and how well you have acquired them, we are all on the continuum of learning various skills and capabilities across our lifetimes.

Unfortunately, instead of hearing from someone or something that we could improve and giving ourselves credit for trying and continuing to learn, we resist because it makes us uncomfortable and shakes our self-confidence and our view of ourselves as competent, capable and right. We very much don’t like being uncomfortable, it’s a terrible feeling and we move away from it as soon as we can into our soft cocoon of confidence.

But what if we leaned into the uncomfortable part of being human and cracked open to learn instead of shutting ourselves into our own comfort? How would our lives look different? Would we try new things that we are scared of trying? Would we do more? Would we risk more? Would we learn more about the world and how it works? About how we could navigate it more successfully? About how it could look different?

Truly constructive criticism, whether it be from our boss, our peers, or friends and family, should be constructive—in the cause of formation or growth. It’s not designed to tear you down, it is designed to build you up. And even though we naturally recoil from receiving anything critical about ourselves and our work, it is important to remember that constructive criticism is usually provided by those who want us to grow, to be better and to succeed, they often want better for us than we do. So next time someone suggests a way that you or your work can improve, pay attention to your reaction—you likely will rush to defensiveness, but by observing it, you allow yourself to have the power to intervene and crack yourself open to growth and learning instead of running to the comfort of your cocoon.

Being human is important, and being uncomfortable just confirms that we’re not robots, we’re here to learn and feel and grow and sometimes that’s hard. It’s ok that it’s hard, but it’s important to give yourself credit for trying anyway, even when it’s hard. And the bonus is that if you do the hard things enough times, they become easier and feel better until they become something you feel comfortable and competent about. Just in time to start over, being uncomfortable learning the next thing! Hooray for growth!